Main Aur MsPinky

Ever since you were a kid, whenever something bad happened, an irritating pie-head would come and tell you "Aww, but look at the silver lining!" Screw that! There's never 'always a silver lining'...no! But the reverse is always true! Cuz whenever something good happens, something bad just about to happen. You always get bird shit on your face on the sunniest of the days! Right?! Yes!

We've all been on play dates right? when you were kids, your folks would take you to someone else's house to play with their kids! Sounds pretty simple, with potential for good clean fun! Unfortunately, my family was a late bloomer, in the the field of play dates. My first play date was when i was fifteen! And it was a DISASTER! Now the good part was that the other kid was a cute girl, the bad part, was that our parents came with us! Mom had warned me to keep my mouth to myself. You filthy animal, its didn't mean what you think it did, it meant that i had to basically shut up! It started off pretty well, actually. Introductions and everything. Then the lady was like "This is my daughter, Pinky, wearing a pink frock, her room's also pink, she loves pink you see!" i had the expression of WTF on the face, but she was pretty so it didn't bother me! Then the fist bomb exploded, with full isshtyle i offered a handshake as a gesture of greeting, and with full lowered eyebrows, my mom gave me a look of "Ghar chalo, batati hoon tumhe!" Gradually, the temperatures hit the floor and we all sat down.
Now, what happens when 2 parents meet? They talk about their kids! No, they brag about their kids! They start competing with each other and neither wants to be outdone.

First serve, Pinky's Mom,"Our Pinky is very talented, she has won all the Singing competitions at her school! Does Anand sing too?"
Mom with a backhanded return "He has been singing all his life, in fact he took classical training too! He has the voice, as fresh as morning dew on a march morning"
Truth check: I sound like a coughing crow when i sing and if watching Phillips top ten and MTV most wanted is training then, Yes, i am a trained singer! In fact i can make cattle pregnant with my voice!

Mom continued, "He's also a brilliant cook you know, he can cook all kinda crap from all other kinda crap!"
Mummy Pinky replied "She can bake a mean cake too, just give her some flour and sugar and she'll bake the hell out!"

Truth check: Pinky was the kind of cook, who thought that the best way to make a milkshake was to feed some strawberries to a cow before asking her to ride a rollercoaster! She was as close to being a regular Sanjeev Kapoor or a Nigella Lawson as I am to being a Priyanka Chopra or an Olga Kurylenko!

"Pinky plays the guitar!"
"Bong plays the Piano!"
Truth Check: Lets just say that if i were to play the piano, it would sound like a dog with scurvy is trying to serenade a khujli waali kutiya!

"Pinky's brilliant in biology!"
"Anand sleeps with his laptop!"
Truth check: WHAT THE FUCK?! I do what now?! Couldn't you just say that i was GAY?! It would've been much less embarrassing!

"Pinky paints like Michaelangelo! She can draw anyone's portrait in a minute!"
"Anand paints Michaelangelo!"
"the Michaelangelo? the Painter?"
Truth check: The Michaelangelo, the teenage mutant ninja turtle!

"pinky came second in her standard at her school"
"Anand came first! and had hundred percent attendance!"
Truth Check: Who are we takling about again?

"This last year we went to Penang for a holiday, and an AD agency spotted her!"
"Anand came on the Tv once!"
Truth check: Yes, I was the Monkey Man!

"Pinky tells us everything!"
"Anand doesn't lie to us!"
Truth check: ha ha! ;P

"Pinky has a boyfriend, He's in her class, very smart and from a good family, he is!"
"Bong one too!"
i was like "WHAT?!"
"girlfriend i mean!"
Truth Check: After that "sleeping with the Laptop" line, they probably think i've got the hots for frodo anyway!

"Pinky is a brilliant runner, she won medals in the 1500m race in the last sports day!"
"Anand swims like an Olympic swimmer!"
Truth check: Olympic swimmers are also gay!

"Our pinky is totally mad after the that band, backstreet boys!"
"Anand is...."
"Mom, i've to pee!"
"...wait no beta, lemme finish..."
"No mom, i think we should go!"
"..we just came na, lets stay for a while"
"Crap! please kill me!"
Truth Check: If i hadn't stopped her, i would be writing another comment about me being gay here!

This went on and on, and then like Batman and Superman, our dads came from the other room! "Thank you! Thank you so much!" Ab the subject of discussion changed from "Me and MsPinky" to "MrsRagini and her Lover!" How? Dont ask me that, i was too busy, burying my head in the sand, to notice! Now MrsRagini was our neighbour and was notoriously famous. And, i think i should just stop now, before i write something that might get my bottom in trouble! This might be an abrupt ending, but i might just write what happened next, someday, so keep praying!

Thank you.

Anand

Ps: Oh yeah, I'm not really gay.

Ps: MrsRagini isn't her real name, neither is Pinky! So stop guessing who they are!