Kyunki mom bhi kabhi saas banegi!!

Its good to be back. Its been so long now, almost three quarters of a month! And so much has changed! Rakhi Sawant got engaged, so did Sania, Piggy Fever has spread its tentacles, RGV released yet another craptastic flick, listening to Michael Jackson has become cool again, Dumbledore has passed away and the sales of sunscreen lotion have hit rock bottom because people now prefer wearing masks instead! But the most important piece of news of the past fortnight is that i moved my base to new place! So no more smiling at Wipro chicks. :( . My mum was against the idea of me moving when i told her that i wanted to, she was like "No no, its a nice place, you'll like it, eventually!" So i thought that i needed to play my trump card, and i did. i told my mum, that there's a quartet of cute young engineers staying above me. Worked like a charm and poof! two days later, i had moved! Its not like my parents don't want me to meet someone nice, na na, they do, but only they want me to do so, when i'm 50! Best is when other people come to my home and start talking about me getting married someday, you should see us then! My family just shifts gears into 'Rajshri mode' then. I just sit and smile while my mum goes on talking about how I've soo much independence and that they'll be fine with whomever i chose to date because in how in their eyes, discrimination based on caste, race and religion is plain wrong! Then they go on talking about how they always ask me to go out and meet people and make new friends, and how i only always say, 'Naa! I'm fine alone!' Then they end it by saying, "We don't know what are gonna do about this boy!" But the real fun, begins, when the people leave and you're cleaning up the mess they've made. My dad shoots the first missile, asks "Weird people they were, no? Asked too many questions, No? Wished they'd talk about something else, No?" Then my mom, the quarterback, get the ball, and tries to throw it for a 70 yard touchdown pass! "Well, they asked quite a lot about you maybe they have someone in mind for you!" The game changes from football to baseball here and I being the perpetual batsman go for the first hit, "Naah, they know I'm wise enough to find somebody for myself!" Oooh, a swing and a miss! Strike one! Dad winds up a curve ball, "You seem darn confident, some thing's brewing, No?!" "Nope!", i say! Strike two! The pitcher changes now, Mom steps in, and its a fast ball! "There are girls where you work right? any friends? any bongs? any delhite?" I try to aim for the press box, "Yep, there are a few girls, 2 in my team in fact!" Awww, galat jawaab! Strike three! You're out! The Stadium goes silent, the batter walks back slowly to the den, knowing what a huge mistake he has made. He wishes he could just go back in time and play it safe, but its too late now. The tiger has tasted blood, he cant run, he cant hide. Slowly the predator follows the prey, cornering him, playing with him. "Is that so? Are they attractive?" "NO!", the rabbit's eyes dart from right to left to right again, hoping to find a way out! The Tiger raises, its right paw, the claws shining in the shimmering sunlight! "They better not be, we don't want you bringing a girl into this house!" The bunny sees a loophole and jumps right in, "Eh! so is it okay if i bring a guy? huh? huh? huh?!" Big mistake! I hoped for laughter but I got lowered eyebrows instead! "You know Vinu got married to his girlfriend and see how good that's working out for him!?" "Is that supposed to be a complex-sarcastic-rhetoric-question? And who the bloody hell is Vinu?" Of course i don't say this out loud. But they sense it,

"Vinu is 'some'guy from 'some'where, who's 'some'how related to you! And he got married, now his parents have no respect and his wife doesn't have a silent mode! So listen to me, and listen well! You can fall for any girl!"

"Whee!", i go.

"But..."

"Damn! whys there always a damn but?!"

She goes on, "she must be a bong..."

"How many bong girls do i know? quite a few, but they're all committed! Damn it!"

"...she can be from Delhi..."

"....yaaayhaaay!..."

"...or kolkata!..."

"...double yaaayhaay!..."

"...but her parents must be based in Kolkata!"

" eh! so the girl doesn't matter?!"

"Shut up and listen!"

"Hey! relax"

"No, and she must be well educated and must know how to cook!"

"How does that matter? i know how to cook and i do it pretty well, thank you! So anymore check boxes that she needs to tick?"

"She must not be foreign returned!"

"you worried about swine flu?"

"And she must have really big, i mean really BIG.."

"please don't say what i think you're gonna say!"

"..intellectual background!"

"phew! but what the devil is that?"

"Not important!"

"Really, then why are you telling me this?!"

"Cuz if you marry someone who we don't approve of, then you'll see!"

"Si, Senora! Now may i leave?!"

"Kay, but stay away from the chicks in your company, or somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!"

"What? Do you know Russell Peters?!"

"Who?!"

"Nobody, just a friend, not important!"

"Does he have a sister? Have you met her? Is she pretty? Do you like her?"

"Aww Bugger!"

Here we go again!

PS: The best part is, I'm not even exaggerating here!